I have two birthdays! The first one is like everyone else’s birthday, meaning the day my Mom gave birth to me. That will be 19 years ago in just a few short weeks. However, that is not my most important birthday. I grew up in a Christian home, going to church every Sunday and being surrounded by the idea that humanity is broken. When something is broken you fix it! In Christianity this is where things get difficult because you can’t fix it yourself. You have to ask God to fix it for you. So I knew who God was and believed He was real from the very beginning of anything that I can remember but that isn’t all of salvation.
It was Christmastime when I was about 5 years old that I realized this truth. I knew God was real and that He expected me to behave in a certain way. Part of me cared very little about this pesky God wanting me to do the right things which were most usually the uncomfortable, un-fun, and hard things. Another part of me cared very much and tried very hard to be good. This did not work at all. Because it was Christmas, my parents were busy decorating and setting out all sorts of tempting goodies. One of these goodies was a glass snowman filled with candy. My Dad told me very specifically not to get into that candy so of course what does my 5 year-old self do? I got into that candy! I’m not sure if I got caught or if it God was just pricking my conscience. Later that night in my room I was completely overwhelmed with the wrongness of what I had done. I realized I couldn’t be good all by my self, I needed God to make me good. From Awana I had learned a basic prayer of salvation so right there with a folded piece of doll’s clothing still in my hands I dropped to my knees crying to say that prayer. This is my second birthday! It is also where my real journey begins.